Bernice Three Column

Friday, March 16, 2012

Silly Saturday - Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Time for a few Irish jokes and a little Blarney.

So, how do you know the difference between and outright lie and blarney?

An example of a lie:
Telling an older woman that she doesn't look a day over 20.

Blarney is when you ask that same woman:
Could you tell me how old you are, so I know at what age beauty begins.

You know why there are so few Irish lawyers?
Because it’s so hard to pass the Bar.

Paddy and Mick were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went passed loaded up with rolls of turf.
Paddy said, “Sure’n I’m gunna do that when I win tha lottery...”
“What’s that then?” asks Mick.
“Send me lawn away to be cut”

A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions. He was standing outside Davy Byrne's pub when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks,  'Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?'  
The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.
'Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fran├žais?' He tries.
The two continue to stare.
'Parlare Italiano?' Still absolutely no response from the two lads.
'Hablan ustedes Espanol?' The Dublin lads remain totally silent.
The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood.  One of the boys turns to the second and says, 'Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!'
'Why?' says the youth, 'That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good!'

Paddy Murphy arrived at Boston's Logan airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.  An Texan asked him if he was homesick. 
'No, 'replied the Irishman.' It's worse, I have I've lost all me luggage.'
'That's terrible, how did that happen?'
'The cork fell out of me bottle.'  Said Paddy.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They each buy a pint of Guiness beer.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!"
 Now for The Fox Chase from Darby O'Gill and the Little People

May your neighbor respect you,
Troubles neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And Heaven accept you.

Remember to wear some green today.


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