Silly Saturday for October 6, 20121

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-years phase-in plan that would become know as “Euro-English.”

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c.” Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k.” This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f.” This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th year, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v.”

During the fifz yer, ze unesasary “o” kan be droped from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, we vil hav a rel sensibl riten styl. Zer wil be no more trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.