Bernice Three Column

Friday, April 5, 2013

Silly Saturday - April 6, 2013






Let's get clowning around

Hey, Spanky, keep it coming!



God was missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him resting on the seventh day. He inquired, “Where have you been?”

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downward through the clouds. “Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a place to test balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael. “I’m still confused.”

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. “For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Southern Europe is going to be poor.

“Over here, I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”

God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said, “What’s that one?”

“That’s Texas, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people of Texas are going to be handsome, modest, strong of character, intelligent and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, “But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”

God smiled. “I will create Washington DC. Wait until you see the idiots I put there!”



Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today
that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right... ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree,
but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same
as your brother’s...... Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher


Have a great weekend!

 

3 comments:

  1. Your humor choices are FAB! Have a great weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. lol you have the best jokes

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha- you always find the best laughs. Where do you get this from?? I am impressed every week:)

    ReplyDelete

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