Bernice Three Column

Friday, July 12, 2013

Silly Saturday - July 13, 2013

Today is my daughter's wedding!

I am probably crying my head off right now, but I want you to have some great laughs.

Here are some clean jokes on marriage.

Modern Marriage

The Happiest Day

Harry was finally a  groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.  He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, “congratulations Harry, I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.” “But sir”, said Harry, “a little bit confused, I’m not getting married until tomorrow!”   “Yeah,  I know”, said his boss.

The Wedding Rehearsal

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."
He passed the minister the cash and walked away satisfied.
The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the minister looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the minister and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The minister put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

Nicky: I'm a man of few words.
Mike: I'm married, too.

The five essential words for a good marriage: 'I apologize' and 'You are right.'

A wedding ring may not be as tight as a tourniquet, but it does an equally good job of stopping circulation.

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them.

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