Bernice Three Column

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Silly Saturday - Crazy One Liners - March 1, 2014


Let's have some fun!

Minus 1
and you still get



TOP ONE LINERS

Escalators don’t break down… they just turn into stairs

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing… except when you’re at a funeral.

I intend to live forever… or die trying.

We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A blind man walks into a bar….And a table, and a chair.

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he’s adopted?

Want to hear a pizza joke…. nah, it’s too cheesy.

What about a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.

Did you hear the one about the rope? Skip it.

Have you heard the one about the guy in the wheelchair? Never mind, it’s too lame.

I used to be in a band, we were called ‘lost dog’. You probably saw our posters.

I childproofed the house… but they still get in!



MORE ONE LINERS

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.


Have you heard any good jokes this week?
Comment below with your joke. I love an extra laugh!
 


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1 comment:

  1. Definitely good ones! Had me goin' for a while. Have a great weekend.

    ReplyDelete

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