Get ready for some fun and laughs on...
(drum roll, please)
Hooray! Not only is it time to relax for the weekend, but also to have some fun and laughter with some of the best clean jokes around.
A man goes into a seafood restaurant and sees a sign that reads: "Big Red Lobster Tails - $1."
Amazed at the value of the offer, he calls a waitress over. "Excuse me," he said. "Is that sign correct?"
"Yes sir," she replied. "It's today's special offer."
"Fantastic," said the man. "But are you sure they're not small?"
"Oh no sir, I can assure you that they are very big."
"Are they out of date then?"
"No, no sir, they are fresh in this morning."
"Well in that case, here's my $1. Fill me up."
The waitress took the $1 coin, sat down beside him and said, "Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster..."
Old Couple Pulled Over
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
“Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled.
The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?”
The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?”
The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!”
The woman then gave the officer her license.
“I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?”
The old man replied, “He said he knows you!”
A man calls the hospital. He shouts into the receiver, “You gotta send some help, and fast!
My wife’s going into labor!”
The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?”
“No!” he shouts back. “This is her husband!”