Bernice Three Column

Friday, June 12, 2015

Silly Saturday - Time for Jokes and Fun! - June 13, 2015



It's been a little while since I posted some jokes, so let's all
Splash Into Some Silliness!


A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."


A Polish man is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.

The dealer tells him, “Look, I have a lot of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.”

So the Pole takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. “How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?”, the man asks himself. “I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day”, he tells himself.

So, the next morning he gets up at 4 in the morning and cuts, and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and he only manages to cut five cords.

The man is convinced this is a bad saw. “The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer.”

The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the Pole’s claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, “Huh, it looks fine.”

Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the Pole responds, “What’s that noise?”


A guy tried robbing me at knife point, luckily I managed to disarm him.

I'd just bought a chainsaw.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Yesterday, a Lumberjack slipped and cut into his leg with a chainsaw.

He lost a lot of blood, but although they managed to stem the flow, paramedics say he is still not out of the woods yet.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I got a chainsaw in the mail today.

Now I have to send saws to five other people.




2 comments:

  1. OMG THAT FIRST ONE IS THE BEST! BWAHAHAHAHA You had me hooked lined and sunk on that one for sure. bwahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love these! But the first clip of the guy jumping into the pool made my heart skip a beat...looks dangerous to me. The chainsaw jokes are really cute!

    ReplyDelete

I love to read your comments!

Blog Archive